tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5897026576074041499.post2705902562997892826..comments2023-10-18T09:18:46.284-05:00Comments on Two Mommies AND A BABY!: One Very Long WeekAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10771506290170818663noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5897026576074041499.post-70088356114618068472012-10-19T13:01:00.208-05:002012-10-19T13:01:00.208-05:00Thank you for your comment. It is always so good t...Thank you for your comment. It is always so good to hear perspectives from birth mothers. I completely agree with all that you said. In fact, one of the big reasons that we chose our agency was because of the support, counseling, and options that they provide for any pregnant woman who comes to see them. Both my partner and I deeply recognize the important role that everyone plays in the adoption process and of course we know that the entire thing is about the child. However, that won't stop us from feeling disappointed when we are not what is best, when we are not the ones chosen. I will never claim that our disappointment is what is most important, but I also will not pretend that our disappointment does not exist. <br /><br />So, I would ask that you also remember that while of course adoption is about the mother making the best choices for her child, this blog is about our end of the journey, and whether I like it or not, that does involve disappointment and this is my place to share that. In the future, I will be more careful about the words I am using. I would also ask that you just think about that sometimes, on this blog, I will not be at my best. I will not always say the right thing and I will not always remember to choose the best words. That's part of the process for me. It's tough and I am certainly not always going to say the right things and I would just ask others to understand that does not mean I don't understand what is most important. My feelings at so genuine and, as I have written before in this blog, my admiration and respect for any mother in any part of this adoption process is sincere and tremendous. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10771506290170818663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5897026576074041499.post-41794173912783553412012-10-17T11:50:39.906-05:002012-10-17T11:50:39.906-05:00I'm a birth mom (meaning I've already reli...I'm a birth mom (meaning I've already relinquished). I actually blog for Open Adoption Bloggers (Monika's Musings is the name of my blog). Though I haven't been on your side, I do have one suggestion. A woman (or couple, if the father's involved) is NOT a birth mom until after relinquishment documents are signed. It's a small thing, but even if mom is considering relinquishment and seems sure of her decision, things can change rapidly. Calling a woman a "birth mom" before relinquishment (I know, a LOT of agencies do it and they're not meaning to be harmful) creates not only an expectation to the mom that she doesn't have a choice about adoption, but it creates an expectation in the hearts and minds of the hopeful adoptive parents, as it created in yours in this situation. <br /><br />It may help to continually remind yourself that she can and should change her mind at any time about adoption if it's appropriate, and that nothing's final until those all-important documents are signed. I do love adoption and think it's a wonderful choice, but I also think that moms should be given resources to parent if they wish to do so and if they think it's best for them and for their baby. I know that becoming a parent is your goal and it's a wonderful one. But please remember that in domestic infant adoptions (and even in domestic foster-to-adopt) that it's not about the hopeful adoptive parents. It's about the mom making what she feels is the best choice for her kid. When I relinquished, I didn't make the choice to make her adoptive parents happy. I made the choice because I didn't feel equipped (emotionally or physically) to give my daughter the life I really wanted for her. :)<br /><br />Also, please try to remember that though it seems like you've been waiting to be chosen for a very long time that you will be chosen when the timing is right for you and for your partner. :) Hang in there. Whenever an adoption does happen, it'll be worth the wait and all the heartache!Monikahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09598390010327967653noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5897026576074041499.post-23432594606327068852012-09-30T08:40:36.386-05:002012-09-30T08:40:36.386-05:00Thank you so much, ladies, for your comments. The...Thank you so much, ladies, for your comments. They mean so much. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10771506290170818663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5897026576074041499.post-54806623465269358742012-09-25T16:32:09.068-05:002012-09-25T16:32:09.068-05:00I'm sorry it was so sad--I know there's re...I'm sorry it was so sad--I know there's really no way it could not be, and I am sad that you didn't get chosen. Eating your feelings is a totally normal (and tasty!) way of getting through the week. Hopefully next time you'll be able to repay everyone for their support with a big, grinning piece of awesome news!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5897026576074041499.post-33731673798406133012012-09-25T07:45:14.675-05:002012-09-25T07:45:14.675-05:00I'm sorry for your difficult week. It is reall...I'm sorry for your difficult week. It is really hard. We found the tiniest bit of consolation in knowing what to expect for the next time. It made it a little less scary. I'm glad you have good people around you to lean on, cry with, and celebrate with. Wishing you the best....CoffeeBluehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13371697271417561987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5897026576074041499.post-91968054297974123562012-09-24T10:19:58.614-05:002012-09-24T10:19:58.614-05:00That sounds incredibly difficult. I'm glad th...That sounds incredibly difficult. I'm glad that you have so much support and I hope the next time goes much more smoothly.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com