I have not felt this relieved in many months.
We had our second home visit this morning. I woke up anxious and nervous. I was worried, not about what our adoption counselor would say about our house, but rather what she would have to say about where we are in the process and what comes next for us. I was nervous to show her our finished books and to hand her all of the remaining items that we had ready for her. I was nervous she would have a problem with something or that she would make just one last suggestion.
Anyway, she arrived and sat down with us in the living room. She went through why she was there and then basically asked us if we had any questions. I decided that this would be a good time to tell her that we had everything ready to be done with the process. I had conveniently placed a pile of things on our dining room table. It was everything that we needed to hand her. I brought over the five copies of our long profile books, an envelope containing the thirteen copies of our short letters, the last check that we need to give in order to be put on the wait list, and an envelope with the things that are needed for our online profile. I brought everything over to her and I think it made a big impact. As soon as I gave it all to her, she told us that when she brought the finished home study report to her supervisor TODAY, she would tell her that while she had not been ready in time, we were completely ready to go. She then said that we would be on the wait list as soon as the end of this week! Now, to me that means that perhaps in two weeks we will be on the wait list, but either way, I am beyond excited.
The best part is that she asked if she could look through our book and letter and SHE LOVED THEM!!! She said that the long profile book was fantastic and she was thrilled with the way everything turned out. I was so happy that we decided not to wait any longer for her approval. We knew that we had a good profile and I was so glad that we trusted our guts and just went ahead and got everything finished.
After that, she wanted to take a quick walk around the house and that is exactly what she did. She didn't ask about anything, didn't even make us test the smoke detectors this time. And then she left. For this first time, I felt really good after meeting with her. I felt hopeful that this phase of the process was coming to an end. I felt excited at the thought that we would soon be on the wait list.
So now we wait. Hopefully, just a little bit longer. She is supposed to send us a draft of the finished report tonight and then we just have to approve it and we will be one step closer. I hope to have the good news soon that we are on the wait list. The best feeling right now is that there is nothing else that we have to get done. There are no items left on the checklist. Nothing left to finish. So please keep your fingers crossed and hope that soon this phase of our adoption journey will come to a close.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
One More Time...
And so the saga continues...
Today Carla had knee surgery. I was sitting in the waiting room and my cell phone rang. I let it go through to voicemail as I wasn't too keen on dealing with anything until Carla was out of surgery. However, as soon as I listened to the voicemail and heard that it was from our adoption counselor, I knew I had to call her immediately. I felt like if I didn't call soon, who knows when I would next be able to get a hold of her.
So I went outside and called her back. I should have known to expect something, but this (on top of the fact that I was in the middle of waiting for Carla to finish surgery) almost pushed me over the edge. Our counselor went on to tell me that she still was not finished with our home study report and because she had not finished it within thirty days of the home visit, she was going to have to do ANOTHER home visit. No apology. No real taking of responsibility. She just told me that she would have to come back to the house, because she didn't finish the home study report in time.
Then, to top it off, she told me that since we still weren't done with our profile, this would be a good time to sit down and go over it. So clearly, she had NOT read the email that I sent her which explained that we were indeed finished. So, I explained to her that we were, in fact, done with our profile and that our books would be arriving today (which they did!). I was so happy that we had made the decision to just be done, because I truly believe that at this point, she is just using our unfinished letter to make it okay that she hasn't finished her stuff yet. I couldn't imagine now waiting for her to give us even more feedback and then making more changes.
So, we now have another home visit scheduled for early Monday morning. Now as Carla recovers from knee surgery, we have to worry about getting the house ready for another visit. Now that we are so ready to be finished with all of this, we have to wait for another home visit. It is getting harder to accept this as just part of the process. But we feel so stuck because we don't want to say anything that will make her think poorly of us and we don't want to do anything that will make this process take any longer.
I managed to sound upbeat on the phone and I believe that I was able to hide much of my frustration from her. Part of me wants her to know how frustrated I am, but the other part of me just wants to be done and I feel like if I can just keep us moving, that will be the fastest way to get done with this part of the process. I then walked back into the waiting room, texted my sister, and sat alone stewing over the conversation.
I told myself that I couldn't bother Carla with this right away. She was coming out of surgery and anesthetic after all. But, in typical Jess fashion, as soon as they let me back to see her and I saw that she was still in one piece, I tried to tell her about the conversation I had with our counselor. There she is, under heavy medication, with an IV still in her arm, and I am trying to explain to her my newest frustration. After listening the best she could and trying to tell me it would be okay, she said, "Jess, they are monitoring my heart rate and blood pressure, I don't think I can talk about this anymore." Point well taken.
So we are now back home. Carla is doing well. I am a bit calmer. Our new home visit is scheduled. My plan is to have EVERYTHING ready to give to our counselor when we see her on Monday. I will have our final check ready, the books with our long profile, the shorter letters, and all the stuff for the online profile. I will hand it all to her and hopefully, hopefully, soon we will be on the wait list.
Today Carla had knee surgery. I was sitting in the waiting room and my cell phone rang. I let it go through to voicemail as I wasn't too keen on dealing with anything until Carla was out of surgery. However, as soon as I listened to the voicemail and heard that it was from our adoption counselor, I knew I had to call her immediately. I felt like if I didn't call soon, who knows when I would next be able to get a hold of her.
So I went outside and called her back. I should have known to expect something, but this (on top of the fact that I was in the middle of waiting for Carla to finish surgery) almost pushed me over the edge. Our counselor went on to tell me that she still was not finished with our home study report and because she had not finished it within thirty days of the home visit, she was going to have to do ANOTHER home visit. No apology. No real taking of responsibility. She just told me that she would have to come back to the house, because she didn't finish the home study report in time.
Then, to top it off, she told me that since we still weren't done with our profile, this would be a good time to sit down and go over it. So clearly, she had NOT read the email that I sent her which explained that we were indeed finished. So, I explained to her that we were, in fact, done with our profile and that our books would be arriving today (which they did!). I was so happy that we had made the decision to just be done, because I truly believe that at this point, she is just using our unfinished letter to make it okay that she hasn't finished her stuff yet. I couldn't imagine now waiting for her to give us even more feedback and then making more changes.
So, we now have another home visit scheduled for early Monday morning. Now as Carla recovers from knee surgery, we have to worry about getting the house ready for another visit. Now that we are so ready to be finished with all of this, we have to wait for another home visit. It is getting harder to accept this as just part of the process. But we feel so stuck because we don't want to say anything that will make her think poorly of us and we don't want to do anything that will make this process take any longer.
I managed to sound upbeat on the phone and I believe that I was able to hide much of my frustration from her. Part of me wants her to know how frustrated I am, but the other part of me just wants to be done and I feel like if I can just keep us moving, that will be the fastest way to get done with this part of the process. I then walked back into the waiting room, texted my sister, and sat alone stewing over the conversation.
I told myself that I couldn't bother Carla with this right away. She was coming out of surgery and anesthetic after all. But, in typical Jess fashion, as soon as they let me back to see her and I saw that she was still in one piece, I tried to tell her about the conversation I had with our counselor. There she is, under heavy medication, with an IV still in her arm, and I am trying to explain to her my newest frustration. After listening the best she could and trying to tell me it would be okay, she said, "Jess, they are monitoring my heart rate and blood pressure, I don't think I can talk about this anymore." Point well taken.
So we are now back home. Carla is doing well. I am a bit calmer. Our new home visit is scheduled. My plan is to have EVERYTHING ready to give to our counselor when we see her on Monday. I will have our final check ready, the books with our long profile, the shorter letters, and all the stuff for the online profile. I will hand it all to her and hopefully, hopefully, soon we will be on the wait list.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Photo Book
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Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Next Blog Post for It's Conceivable
Hi all!
Here is the link to my newest blog post for the website It's Conceivable. The post goes back through what happened with our adoption counselor after the first draft and what has continued to happen since. Let's just say that I am certainly now feeling the angst of this process, but continue to remind myself that it is all going to be worth it in the end.
Here is the link: http://itsconceivablenow.com/2012/06/12/unexpected-bumps-road-gay-adoption-challenges-arise/
Here is the link to my newest blog post for the website It's Conceivable. The post goes back through what happened with our adoption counselor after the first draft and what has continued to happen since. Let's just say that I am certainly now feeling the angst of this process, but continue to remind myself that it is all going to be worth it in the end.
Here is the link: http://itsconceivablenow.com/2012/06/12/unexpected-bumps-road-gay-adoption-challenges-arise/
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
How's the adoption process going?
It seems as if I have been getting lots of questions lately about how everything is going. Maybe it's because the last thing that anyone heard was that we had the awful feedback meeting with the adoption counselor. Maybe it's because I haven't written anything in about a month. Or maybe, just maybe, it's because people just truly care and wonder what has been going on.
So, in short, we are still trying to wrap up the last of the paperwork. We have turned in all of the forms that were needed to complete the home study. Well, at least all of the forms that we know of. It does seem that every time we think we are done with forms, there seems to be just one more form that we didn't know about. But, hopefully they really are all in. We are waiting for our adoption counselor to finish writing up the report of our home study and home visit. And then finally, we have to make the finishing touches on our profile and shorter letter.
We received a second round of feedback from our counselor after we made some changes that took her initial feedback into consideration, but that still allowed us to keep the feel of our profile how we wanted it. The second round of feedback was MUCH easier to take and there were parts of it that were even really helpful. So, now we just have to make those final changes. After that, we have decided that we are just going to be done. We could do this forever. We could make changes in what we have written until the end of time and we would still be able to find more things to change. At some point, we just have to be done with it and we are VERY close to that point. We are happy with it and we think it gives a good portrait of who we are. And that is good enough for us. So we will make some final changes, order the books, and print out the letters. Then, as soon as we have our final approval, we will be ready to go on the waiting list.
It has started to get more and more real as we are nearing an end to the paperwork stage. I am eagerly awaiting the day we are officially waiting. I am happy that we will be done sometime soon after my summer break starts. The thought of waiting doesn't seem too bad at the moment. I know that I will feel differently as time goes by, but right now, I am anxious to be done with the checklist and done with all the things that we need to do.
I never could have imagined all that would go into this phase of the adoption. People said that it was grueling, but I just couldn't have known. It has been a powerful experience. I feel closer to Carla than ever before. I feel prepared for what lays ahead of us. I feel as if we have thought through so many important issues. And most of all, I feel confident that we are doing the right thing, in the right way, at the exact right time. And that's not a bad way to feel!
So, in short, we are still trying to wrap up the last of the paperwork. We have turned in all of the forms that were needed to complete the home study. Well, at least all of the forms that we know of. It does seem that every time we think we are done with forms, there seems to be just one more form that we didn't know about. But, hopefully they really are all in. We are waiting for our adoption counselor to finish writing up the report of our home study and home visit. And then finally, we have to make the finishing touches on our profile and shorter letter.
We received a second round of feedback from our counselor after we made some changes that took her initial feedback into consideration, but that still allowed us to keep the feel of our profile how we wanted it. The second round of feedback was MUCH easier to take and there were parts of it that were even really helpful. So, now we just have to make those final changes. After that, we have decided that we are just going to be done. We could do this forever. We could make changes in what we have written until the end of time and we would still be able to find more things to change. At some point, we just have to be done with it and we are VERY close to that point. We are happy with it and we think it gives a good portrait of who we are. And that is good enough for us. So we will make some final changes, order the books, and print out the letters. Then, as soon as we have our final approval, we will be ready to go on the waiting list.
It has started to get more and more real as we are nearing an end to the paperwork stage. I am eagerly awaiting the day we are officially waiting. I am happy that we will be done sometime soon after my summer break starts. The thought of waiting doesn't seem too bad at the moment. I know that I will feel differently as time goes by, but right now, I am anxious to be done with the checklist and done with all the things that we need to do.
I never could have imagined all that would go into this phase of the adoption. People said that it was grueling, but I just couldn't have known. It has been a powerful experience. I feel closer to Carla than ever before. I feel prepared for what lays ahead of us. I feel as if we have thought through so many important issues. And most of all, I feel confident that we are doing the right thing, in the right way, at the exact right time. And that's not a bad way to feel!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Unexpected Bumps
So there has been some silence since the home visit.
Let me begin by saying that our home passed all inspection. Frankie, miraculously, was on excellent behavior and spent most of the visit chewing happily on her treat ball. All the things that I could have thought to worry about turned out to be not a worry at all. Our adoption counselor loved our home and all the fire safety items that we have put into place seem to have done their jobs.
That was the good stuff.
What I didn't know to worry about was what turned out to be the most stressful part of our process thus far. Several months ago, we sent our adoption counselor a draft of our profile/dear birthparent letter. We never heard back from her about it and we assumed that all was good. So we began putting the profile into a book on Shutterfly. We spent hours arranging the text and pictures until they were exactly where we wanted them. We shared our profile with friends and family and felt incredibly proud of what we had done. We felt that it so very accurately reflected who we are as a couple and we happy with it. We even ordered one copy of the book to make sure that it looked good. In our minds, we were done. One more thing to cross off the list.
Well, apparently we are not quite done. When our adoption counselor arrived at our home, we all sat together at the dining room table and we went through some of our paperwork. After going through a few forms, she took out our profile draft that we had sent her and told us that she wanted to go through it with us. For the next thirty minutes (or so) she proceeded to tell us all of the many things that were wrong with the letter. Seriously, she said not one positive thing about our profile, but instead went paragraph by paragraph explaining what we had done wrong. Her overall message seemed to be that we sounded too happy. Truly. She actually said that our letter was too upbeat. She suggested that we want to focus on some of the struggles we have been through and also talk about our parenting ideals. To be honest, there were things that she said that made a lot of sense. However, there was just too much criticism to really be that effective. It is not that she was criticizing our writing, it was almost as if she was telling us that we should portray ourselves as something that we are not. She wanted us to focus on our struggles and we want to focus on all the good that is in our lives. That is who we are.
As I sat there listening and taking notes and trying not to cry, I reassured myself that it couldn't possibly be as bad as I thought. I am notorious for not taking criticism well, even in its most constructive state. I figured that when all of this was over, Carla would tell me it wasn't as bad as I thought. Nope. Turns out that Carla was just as annoyed as I was. We both couldn't believe that this woman had our draft for three months and was only now saying anything to us.
Our adoption counselor finally stopped. We finished the home visit. She left and Carla and I went off to drown our sorrows in milkshakes and margaritas. I got some wonderful advice from my mother (thanks mom) and we both decided we needed to just put the letter away for a while.
I now have a few days of distance from the whole thing. I can now think more clearly and rationally about the whole thing. Carla and I have both decided that THE most important thing for us is that our letter accurately portrays who we are. We hope that our adoption counselor likes our letter and we will make some changes to ensure that happens, but more than anything we need to be who we are. We need our letter to show the real us and we have to know that a birthmother will choose us because of that.
So, we will keep working on the letter. Our deadline to be on the wait list is no longer the start of May. Hopefully we will be there by the start of June. Though we are ready to be done with this phase, we are somewhat at the mercy of our adoption counselor. She now has to finish our homestudy report (which she has 30 days to complete) and only then can we move onto the waitlist. So until then, we will continue to work on our profile and fill out the last few remaining pieces of paperwork. I will try my best to be patient and know that someday we will be done with this and it will be worth it in the end.
Let me begin by saying that our home passed all inspection. Frankie, miraculously, was on excellent behavior and spent most of the visit chewing happily on her treat ball. All the things that I could have thought to worry about turned out to be not a worry at all. Our adoption counselor loved our home and all the fire safety items that we have put into place seem to have done their jobs.
That was the good stuff.
What I didn't know to worry about was what turned out to be the most stressful part of our process thus far. Several months ago, we sent our adoption counselor a draft of our profile/dear birthparent letter. We never heard back from her about it and we assumed that all was good. So we began putting the profile into a book on Shutterfly. We spent hours arranging the text and pictures until they were exactly where we wanted them. We shared our profile with friends and family and felt incredibly proud of what we had done. We felt that it so very accurately reflected who we are as a couple and we happy with it. We even ordered one copy of the book to make sure that it looked good. In our minds, we were done. One more thing to cross off the list.
Well, apparently we are not quite done. When our adoption counselor arrived at our home, we all sat together at the dining room table and we went through some of our paperwork. After going through a few forms, she took out our profile draft that we had sent her and told us that she wanted to go through it with us. For the next thirty minutes (or so) she proceeded to tell us all of the many things that were wrong with the letter. Seriously, she said not one positive thing about our profile, but instead went paragraph by paragraph explaining what we had done wrong. Her overall message seemed to be that we sounded too happy. Truly. She actually said that our letter was too upbeat. She suggested that we want to focus on some of the struggles we have been through and also talk about our parenting ideals. To be honest, there were things that she said that made a lot of sense. However, there was just too much criticism to really be that effective. It is not that she was criticizing our writing, it was almost as if she was telling us that we should portray ourselves as something that we are not. She wanted us to focus on our struggles and we want to focus on all the good that is in our lives. That is who we are.
As I sat there listening and taking notes and trying not to cry, I reassured myself that it couldn't possibly be as bad as I thought. I am notorious for not taking criticism well, even in its most constructive state. I figured that when all of this was over, Carla would tell me it wasn't as bad as I thought. Nope. Turns out that Carla was just as annoyed as I was. We both couldn't believe that this woman had our draft for three months and was only now saying anything to us.
Our adoption counselor finally stopped. We finished the home visit. She left and Carla and I went off to drown our sorrows in milkshakes and margaritas. I got some wonderful advice from my mother (thanks mom) and we both decided we needed to just put the letter away for a while.
I now have a few days of distance from the whole thing. I can now think more clearly and rationally about the whole thing. Carla and I have both decided that THE most important thing for us is that our letter accurately portrays who we are. We hope that our adoption counselor likes our letter and we will make some changes to ensure that happens, but more than anything we need to be who we are. We need our letter to show the real us and we have to know that a birthmother will choose us because of that.
So, we will keep working on the letter. Our deadline to be on the wait list is no longer the start of May. Hopefully we will be there by the start of June. Though we are ready to be done with this phase, we are somewhat at the mercy of our adoption counselor. She now has to finish our homestudy report (which she has 30 days to complete) and only then can we move onto the waitlist. So until then, we will continue to work on our profile and fill out the last few remaining pieces of paperwork. I will try my best to be patient and know that someday we will be done with this and it will be worth it in the end.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
A Marathon of Cleaning
Carla and I just had an intense marathon cleaning session to prepare for tomorrow's home visit. For those of you who don't know, Carla is THE most efficient person I know. She has the ability to accomplish what would take me hours, in just a few minutes. So basically, Carla cleaned the entire top floor and vacuumed and mopped all the floors on the bottom floor while I cleaned the basement floors and the kitchen. I know it sounds really unfair, but for every ounce of efficiency that Carla has, I have an equal ounce of inefficiency. But now the house is clean and I suppose that is all that matters.
Tomorrow will be the first time that we will have anyone from the adoption agency in our home. I am nervous. Mostly about the pup, but having someone in your home like this is just kind of a nerve racking experience. I know things will go well, but until it is over, I will just be a bit on edge.
So think of us tomorrow at 4:00. I will let you know how it goes!
Tomorrow will be the first time that we will have anyone from the adoption agency in our home. I am nervous. Mostly about the pup, but having someone in your home like this is just kind of a nerve racking experience. I know things will go well, but until it is over, I will just be a bit on edge.
So think of us tomorrow at 4:00. I will let you know how it goes!
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