It has been a really interesting week as I have found myself mentally adjusting to the idea of being on the wait list for real. It is a strange thing to think about and while I know that there will be many months ahead, I also know that at any moment from this point out, our profile could be shown to a birthmother.
And now I learn to deal with the uncertainty. There is a lot of it ahead. There is no due date. There is no way to plan because any plan that we try to make is based on nothing more than wishful thinking. So I will learn to sit, be patient, trust that our baby will find us when the time is right, and hope that there will soon come a day when I won't feel the need to look at our online profile fifty times a day!
I can feel my own mind trying to wrap itself around what this all means. I can feel my emotions trying to settle themselves down. I can feel myself trying to temper my excitement because I know how long we still have to go. I think for now, I just have to let myself feel whatever comes and not worry about how I am supposed to be feeling. It seems like a good plan for now.
|Our giant binder of paperwork that no longer sits on our kitchen counter!|
Yesterday evening, I happily put our giant binder of paper work away in the closet. It is so nice to know that we are done with it for now. It continues to feel wonderful to know that we don't have steps to take right now. We just learn to sit back and wait.
I imagine that from here on out, these blog posts will be a whole lot less exciting. I imagine there won't be much to report, but I am sure that I will think of something. It's been so wonderful to be able to share our journey thus far with so many people. It has been wonderful to feel the support when I needed it and to have people to amplify our excitement when I have needed that instead. I like to think about the day when I will get to tell everyone that this is it, we did it. But until then, I will rejoice instead in describing to you all of the inane things that I come up with to worry about.