Saturday, May 17, 2014

Hello, Little Toddler

Where have I been for over two months?

Mostly, I have been chasing after a very mobile, a very fast and a very mischievous Millie.

That's right folks...we've got a toddler over here.  And toddlerhood is no joke.  This kid is equal parts incredible, perplexing, hysterically funny and maddeningly stubborn.  The things that I love so very much about her are the same things that can drive me to a point of complete inability to function and problem solve.  She is this incredibly independent, fearless kid and I love that. I love it.  I love that she is confident.  I love that she shows no fear.  I love that she is ready to run off and explore the world around her.

And it is also terrifying.

Two clearly focused eyes (at least) must be directly watching this child every time we leave the relative safety of our home or step into any place not designed with a toddler in mind.  And even then, there are risks.  She is not afraid to try anything, and that includes the many things that any reasonable child should be very afraid to try.

And still, it is all so incredible to watch.  I feel like I am getting to witness the very becoming of a person.  I see her likes and her dislikes starting to develop.  I see her personality starting to emerge and I am absolutely smitten with it.  She makes really awful days at work, so much better by just being her and letting me be her mom.  And in the moments when I think I can't deal with chasing after her for one more second, she turns around and smiles just to make sure I am still watching and I can't help but laugh.  She just gets at my very heart.

So while the days and minutes have been packed full of adventure, there hasn't been anything too huge to report.

We haven't heard from Millie's birth family in a bit, though we had talked about getting together over the summer and I really hope that we do.  I can't wait for them to see who Millie is becoming.  I know that they are going to be so proud of the person who she is.  I know that they are going to love getting to see her in this new phase.  And I know that there is so much that she has in common with her birth siblings.  It would be incredible to get to watch her run around with them this summer.  It would be incredible for them to get to see her and for her to see them.  She might not understand it all yet, but I know that she knows they are family.  I know that she knows that her being is connected to all of theirs.

We also haven't heard from the adoptive family of Millie's brother.  This has been a bit disappointing and I still know that there is lots of time left for that all to change.  I think of him often and wonder how he is doing.

As Millie gets older, the importance of her getting to know her birth family becomes more and more important to me.  We will keep working to make sure that it happens.  We have a long time ahead of us to get this all figured out.

So for now, I will keep chasing Millie around.  We will keep looking at her and smiling and laughing and shaking our heads and taking deep breaths and holding our breaths and all the many other things that Millie's actions provoke in us.  This kid.  She is something else.  She is the kid we were meant to have in every single possible way.  There is so much of us already reflected in her and so much of her birth family mixed right in.  All of these people, who love her so fiercely, mixed together in this one tiny being.  It is an incredible thing to witness.

Millie standing in her new playhouse. Built lovingly by her Mama. 
Millie enjoying one of the few warm days we have had in Chicago. 
Millie and her cat. And her stuffed dog.  Both favorites of hers. 

Millie snuggles in with some stuffed friends.