Monday, December 30, 2013

Weight Bearing

I actually started this post a few weeks ago, after an incident at daycare between Carla and one of the assistant teachers.  I am just getting back to it now...

So today some thoughts came to me.

What led to them is less important than what they are and not nearly as important as my need to get them down some place.

So here is the thing, I don't often get upset about the negative perceptions that I know some people still have about same-sex parents or about lesbians in general.  Most of the time, I am too busy being thankful for the people in my immediate world and for how open and loving and liberal (at least in regards to social issues) they all are.  The gratitude for that fact seems more genuine than the anger that can sometimes creep in about how unfair this world still can be.

But then there are moments, when I just get tired of it all.  When I want to be able to stop wondering if people are treating us a certain way because they don't agree with who we are or because they are just jerks.  I want to stop worrying about finding a way to let people know that we are a family with two moms.  I want to put down the worries that invade over whether or not people are going to give Millie a hard time as she begins school and talks about her family that doesn't look like everyone else. I want to be able to take comfort in knowing that we have wonderful families that surround us and surround Millie and not have to worry about making sure that she is also surrounded by enough families that have two moms or two dads so that she will feel like her family is normal.  And sometimes, every so often, I don't want to carry the weight of giving people a good impression of what a family with lesbian parents is really like.

I know that these are things that I choose to worry about.  That I could just let everyone think what they want and not worry about it.  And the truth is that most of the time, that is exactly what I do.  Most of the time, I am so proud of who we are, as a family, and who I am as a person, that it doesn't matter what anyone else things.  But I am also human.  And I also care about how other people see me.  And I also worry, as a mom, for what Millie might encounter as she gets older.  And that weight...that can get really heavy.  And I will happily bear that weight, so that Millie doesn't have to.  I will pick up extra weight in order to protect Millie from it.  I do that happily. I guess that I just wish that I didn't have to.

And I like to think that the world is getting better.  I know that it is.  I know that laws are changing and that eventually hearts and minds will follow.  I know that already things are easier than they were when Carla and I first met.  And I also know that there will always be people that disapprove and I will just have to deal with that and most days I will choose to deal with it by not dealing with it at all.  And there will also be some days that I will get sick and tired of dealing with it all and wish it all away.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Post-Holiday Contemplating

Today, a kind kind friend said that she trusted that our Christmas was magical.  It was THE perfect word to describe all of the holidays this season.  Holidays have never really felt magical for me before.  But this year...there was magic.  Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and Christmas were all filled with family and friends and good good spirits.  And now, in this post-holiday calm, I can start to truly be thankful for the season and its joy and its magic.

Millie's first Christmas was simply wonderful.  In many ways, it was my first real Christmas as well, since Carla and I have never really done much celebrating, outside of what we do with her family.  But this year, we went all out.  There was a tree, there were holiday cards hung up in the house, there were stockings, there was a simply delightful Christmas Eve celebration at Carla's brother's house and when I woke up on Christmas morning, there was evidence of a visit from Santa.  I couldn't help but get excited, even though I knew that Carla had a hand in the morning magic.  We watched Millie open her presents (it is amazing how good she has gotten at it) and we saw her delight in playing with all of her new stuff.  We then all had the luxurious opportunity to take a bit of a family nap before we headed out to Carla's mom's house for the day.  We spent the day with more family and more presents and a visit from Santa (who looked suspiciously like Carla's younger brother, Dave) and it was wonderful.  Millie got to play with her cousins and with her aunts and uncles and do all the things that kids should do on Christmas day.  We left feeling exhausted and so very full of holiday spirit.

And while many of this season's holidays are now behind us, we have some big ones coming up.  We have New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, which happens to double as Millie's birthday.  And at the end of January, we have the day that marks one full year since we brought Millie home.  There is a lot to be said about these upcoming days and I hope to say them as they get closer.  I have been thinking so much of where we were a year ago and where we are now and I have so much to share about all of that as my thoughts have been consumed lately with thoughts of Millie's birthday, the fact that we did not meet her until a month later, the day we brought Millie home and her very precious, very thought-of birth family.  Hopefully, I will find time in the next few weeks to put some of thoughts down on virtual paper.

I haven't written much these past few months.  I am starting to think that maybe it is time to wrap things up over here at the blog after the passing of these next few milestones.  It isn't that there isn't anything left to write about. I think of things to write about multiple times during the course of a day.  It's just that our lives are mostly consumed by the mundane these days.  It is delightfully mundane.  And normal. And regular.  And I am just not sure that  there is much to share that would be of any interest to anyone.  I love that life seems so normal.  Here we are.  A lesbian headed family with an adopted daughter and I am pretty sure that our lives are much the same as any other family out there. So we shall see what this coming year brings for this blog.  I love having this space and I absolutely love the connections that it has given me to other families just like ours and I love the story that is being written of our family that will be here way after I forget all the details of these first months together as a family of three and maybe this space has already filled its purpose.  Who knows.