Things that I am embarrassed that I do, but I do them anyway

So, in gathering more and more information about adoption, I have come to do some things that I wish I didn't do.  Though, since I have never been one with all that much self-control, I continue to do them and I have decided that I will feel better about them if I just get them all out in the open (especially since "out in the open" really just refers to the few people who will stumble upon this blog post).  So here is the list,

1) I check one of the adoption agency websites that we are considering using (the one we have a meeting with at the end of September).  I know, so far this doesn't sound all that bad.  But keep reading.  I check the website several times a week. Okay, sometimes it is more than once a day.  Again, this doesn't sound so bad.  And if I was just looking at more and more information to help us make a more informed decision, it wouldn't be that bad.  But, nope.  Instead, I am looking to see which, if any, perspective parents got matched with an expectant mother and which perspective parents have moved into the recently adopted section.  The day that I saw the lesbian couple move from the perspective parents section to the recently adopted section, I celebrated as if the success was my very own.  And then, after I check to see what movement has occurred, I scrutinize the pictures of the people who have recently adopted to see what it was that could have drawn an expectant mother to that couple.  Even though everything that I have read has said that you just have to be yourself as a couple, I want to know what those lucky couples have done to get themselves chosen.  See, I told you this was embarrassing stuff.

2) Carla and I have already picked out names.  I know, I know.  It's bad.  Again, everything that we have read says that you shouldn't prepare to much for a baby until a baby actually arrives.  Now, these books are talking about after you have entered the perspective parent pool.  WE HAVEN'T EVEN CHOSEN AN AGENCY YET.  Nonetheless, the excitement that came along with thinking of names was almost like a drug and I was totally hooked after just a few moments.  There was a long night when we lost power and had to stay up in order to take care of the fish in our fish tank (long story) and we spent much of those long hours thinking of possible baby names.

3) And if choosing baby names wasn't bad enough, this weekend we went to home depot and bought paint samples of colors which we would like to paint the baby's room! Now, I am completely satisfied with the two shades of yellow which we picked AND I do know that we would have to repaint this room no matter what, but to actually buy the paint samples. Oy!  We are in for one long wait!

So that's it for now.  I am trying to follow the rules. We are trying to do what the books say is the healthy thing to do, but it is so hard.  Carla and I just get so excited when we think about our future and our future with our baby that it is just hard to stop ourselves.  Thankfully, our wedding is right around the corner and for now that gives us enough distraction to stop us from doing anything too destructive!