Weight Bearing

I actually started this post a few weeks ago, after an incident at daycare between Carla and one of the assistant teachers.  I am just getting back to it now...

So today some thoughts came to me.

What led to them is less important than what they are and not nearly as important as my need to get them down some place.

So here is the thing, I don't often get upset about the negative perceptions that I know some people still have about same-sex parents or about lesbians in general.  Most of the time, I am too busy being thankful for the people in my immediate world and for how open and loving and liberal (at least in regards to social issues) they all are.  The gratitude for that fact seems more genuine than the anger that can sometimes creep in about how unfair this world still can be.

But then there are moments, when I just get tired of it all.  When I want to be able to stop wondering if people are treating us a certain way because they don't agree with who we are or because they are just jerks.  I want to stop worrying about finding a way to let people know that we are a family with two moms.  I want to put down the worries that invade over whether or not people are going to give Millie a hard time as she begins school and talks about her family that doesn't look like everyone else. I want to be able to take comfort in knowing that we have wonderful families that surround us and surround Millie and not have to worry about making sure that she is also surrounded by enough families that have two moms or two dads so that she will feel like her family is normal.  And sometimes, every so often, I don't want to carry the weight of giving people a good impression of what a family with lesbian parents is really like.

I know that these are things that I choose to worry about.  That I could just let everyone think what they want and not worry about it.  And the truth is that most of the time, that is exactly what I do.  Most of the time, I am so proud of who we are, as a family, and who I am as a person, that it doesn't matter what anyone else things.  But I am also human.  And I also care about how other people see me.  And I also worry, as a mom, for what Millie might encounter as she gets older.  And that weight...that can get really heavy.  And I will happily bear that weight, so that Millie doesn't have to.  I will pick up extra weight in order to protect Millie from it.  I do that happily. I guess that I just wish that I didn't have to.

And I like to think that the world is getting better.  I know that it is.  I know that laws are changing and that eventually hearts and minds will follow.  I know that already things are easier than they were when Carla and I first met.  And I also know that there will always be people that disapprove and I will just have to deal with that and most days I will choose to deal with it by not dealing with it at all.  And there will also be some days that I will get sick and tired of dealing with it all and wish it all away.