Saturday, November 5, 2011

A Confession

Well, the weddings are over.  The gifts have been put away.  The thank you notes have been...well, they have been purchased.  This past week has passed in a blur fueled by the residual wedding high that has only now started to go away.  And now, we are back to the real world and I could not be happier.  Yes, I loved the excitement of the past two weekends, but I also love the comfort of sitting on the couch last night with Carla, with a bowl of popcorn, candles lit, watching a movie by ourselves (well, with the dog and cats curled closely by).  I love thinking about what is to come.  I love being able to turn our attention back to our next adventure of adoption.  I am so ready to get things started.  And so, I have turned back to the internet.

The internet and I have a love/hate relationship.  I love the information that is right at my fingertips and I hate the anxiety that all that information can bring.  This morning I went on the website of the adoption agency that we will be using and I started to scroll through the many families listed as potential adoptive families.  With each new page of pictures, my mind starts to turn.  I start to wonder how we will ever be matched with a birthmother.  Sometimes I get so ahead of myself and I start to dread the wait that we haven't even begun yet.  I know that I am supposed to stay positive and I completely recognize that if I am already feeling hopeless, then there is no hope for me to stay positive once we actually begin the process.  I wish I was the kind of person who could go into this with certainty and positivity and sometimes I am that kind of person.  But sometimes, I am not.

I feel the need to confess that I am already having doubts.  I have no doubts about this being what I want to do or how I want to do it, but doubts that I am strong enough to make it through the journey that is ahead of us.  So I thought I would put that out there into the world of the internet which and love and hate in equal parts and see what comes back.


  1. Oh, if those doubts only went away after we had children! Keep listening to your hearts, and all will be well. You will be wonderful mamas.

  2. Can moms comment? As your mom, Jessica, and Carla's, mom-in-law, no one knows the joys of motherhood better than me. My heart tells me that someone will see the love you two have to offer, the beautiful home life you have created, and the amazing parents you two will be. Besides, I am looking forward to being a really fun GrannyG!

  3. Thanks mom! You are simply the best. I have no doubt that if mothers were allowed to talk to the women choosing potential adoptive parents, we would be chosen much more quickly!