Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Our First Meeting

As I mentioned in a recent post, we have gotten back into contact with Millie's birthparents.  We spoke with them on the phone a couple of weeks ago after they called us with their new contact information.  Since then, we have been texting back and forth and they have even texted us a few pictures of their other children, Millie's siblings.

Then a few days ago, they brought up a possible in-person meeting.  After a few texts we set up a time and place and we will be bringing Millie to see them this coming Monday (the 29th).  Carla and I are both unbelievably excited for them to see Millie and for Millie to see them.  I wish that I could say that excitement was my only emotion, but obviously it is one of many.

First off, the excitement.  This is what we wanted.  I can't wait for them to see the little being that Millie has already become.  I know that they are going to be so so proud of her.  I know that they are just going to fall in love with her all over again and they are going to be wowed by what she is doing and how funny she is and the way she smiles so that you feel like the most special person in the world.  And I can't wait for her to see them again, for her to start building a relationship with them, for her to start to get to know them again.  I truly believe, with all of my heart, that what is best for her is to have her birthparents in her life and for her to know that they are a part of our family and her family and I know that this is a big step in making sure that happens.

So, I am so so happy that this is happening.  And then my nerves kick in.

I am nervous about what we will talk about.  I am nervous that there won't be that easy feeling between us that there was when we each had our adoption counselors with us the first time we met.  I am nervous that there is going to be resentment towards us on their end.  I am worried that Millie will be in a bad mood and that they might think that she is unhappy.  I am nervous that there will be some sort of tension because of the life that we are able to give Millie that they wanted to have been able to have given her, but weren't able to.  I am worried about seeing their sadness and not reacting to it in the right way or in a way that will make them feel comfortable.  There is so much that worries me and I wish I could just set it aside and not think about it because I know we are doing what is best for Millie.  But I can't quite do that.

I guess I have to be okay knowing that there are all these worries in my head (rational and not rational) and they are going to be there AND we are going to this meeting anyway.  The worries will be there and I guess that is okay, as long as it isn't stopping me from doing what I know is best for Millie.  Maybe that is a part of being a parent.  I will always have worries, but if I am willing to acknowledge them and still do what I know is best for her, then that has to be good enough.

So, between now and then I expect that many of my thoughts will be consumed with the meeting. I am looking forward to the day just arriving because I know this will be one of those things where the anticipation will be so much harder than the actual event.  I am also looking forward to having this first post-adoption in-person meeting under our belt because it will be nice to know what to expect and nice to have the start of this relationship underway.

Luckily, right after we meet up with them, Carla, Millie and I (plus our dog!) will be heading off to a cabin in Galena, Il for three days.  With our schedules, we never seem to get the kind of family time that we really want and I am so looking forward to getting away for a few days to just be together as a family.  Though we planned the cabin getaway before we planned the meeting with Millie's birthparents, the timing could not have been more perfect.  So, come this Monday please think of us and send all your good thoughts our way!

On a side note, our adoption is almost (finally) final. It should happen soon. More on that later.  And because you made it through another long and unorganized post, you deserve a reward in the form of a picture of Millie!

I cannot believe how big she is getting already.  She now loves sitting up and playing with her toys or whatever she can get ahold of!

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