As Far As We've Come, Tragedy Still Strikes

This is one of those blog posts that has nothing to do with my life as a mom, my life as an adoptive parent, or the small and incredible being who is currently asleep in her swing (again).  Unfortunately, this post has to do with a tragedy.  I have been in such an incredibly positive place in my life and so it can be tempting to push thoughts of tragedy aside.  To not concern myself with them. To let other people worry about them.  But then there are some that seep into every corner of my mind and bang around in my head until I am willing to think about them.  This is one of those.

The students in my fifth grade classroom will go onto to the local junior high next year and then three years after that, they will feed into the local high school.  That high school suffered a terrible loss this past week.  One of their students committed suicide.  Towards the end of this week, I found out that the student who took his own life had come out as gay on Facebook shortly before he killed himself.

Now I don't know anything about this young man.  I do not pretend to know his story, I do not pretend to know the circumstances that led him to believe that not being alive was the only option he had left.  I do not pretend to know what he was going through or what led to his suicide.  But because these stories seem to follow the same tragic pattern, I have to imagine that it had something to do with his coming out or with his being gay.  And that just breaks my heart.  It makes me cry tears for a boy I never even knew and for his family and friends who will not get to see him figure out how to happily live an open life as the person he was meant to be.

But more than that, it makes me angry. Angry at myself.  It makes me angry because here I have been these past few weeks, watching the news coverage of the Supreme Court marriage rights cases and feeling so incredibly positive about how far our country has come.  Here I have been watching my friends' Facebook profile pictures rapidly change to the red equality sign and feeling as if we were truly in a different place as a nation. Here I have been looking at Millie and thinking about how happy it makes me to know that she is going to grow up in a different place where people won't make fun of her for having two moms.  And here I have been thinking about how much easier it must be for kids today to come out and be open and be honest without as much fear as we all had when we were younger.

And then you hear something like this.  And you realize that it is still not easy.  There are still kids, right here in our own communities, who feel as living as an openly gay person is too hard to even continue living.  You realize that no matter what the news might cover, kids still feel the pressure to be just like everyone else.  And you realize that even if the entire country tells you it is okay to be gay, it just takes one comment from a family member or a friend or someone you don't even know that well to destroy your sense of self-worth and self-acceptance.

It has been amazing to watch the attitude to the LGBT community change in this country.  It has been rapid and powerful and awe inspiring.  But the thing is, it can also have this dangerous side of effect of convincing us that everything is okay.  It can lull us into a false sense of security where we start to forget to worry about our youngest community members whose struggles are still as great and as difficult as any of our struggles ever were.

I truly thought that the community that I teach in was different.  That it was somehow protected from the difficulties and challenges that can make a young person feel as if being gay is a reason to kill yourself.  I thought that because I, as an adult, was able to be out and feel accepted by the community as a teacher, that it must be an easy place for kids to come out in as well.  But then I think back to just a few years ago when I made the decision to come out to my students' parents and then to the students themselves.  I was so scared.  I was so scared of becoming the gay teacher instead of just a fifth grade teacher who loves her students.  I created these images in my mind of parents storming into the principal's office and demanding that their children be pulled out of my classroom.  I imagined angry phone calls and I believe that I even imagined picket signs outside of my school.  I was a grown woman and I remember worrying about my students laughing at me.  It cost me many nights of lost sleep and many moments of panic.  And yes, that was all unnecessary worry.  To my knowledge, the parents have been nothing but supportive and the children themselves have restored my belief in the goodness of people time and time again.

But still, I worried about it.  So how could I ever let myself believe that it would be easy for a kid to face the same things?  How could any of us let ourselves forget what a true struggle it is to come out and how dangerous it can be, even when you are in the safest of communities? Of course it is still a struggle.  Of course it is still going to be a terrifying experience for any young person. Of course they care less about what is happening outside of the Supreme Court than about what is happening around their own lunch tables and dinner tables.  I am angry at myself for forgetting that.

I wish somehow that we could get the message down to the young people struggling to come out.  I wish we would let them know that this country is in a good place, that people are changing what they think, that even if your parents don't get it right away, if you give them time they might come around and even if they don't, you will find other people who will love you for exactly who you are.

I believe that the It Gets Better Campaign has done wonders for this country.  I believe that the Trevor Project has given kids a place to turn when they have nowhere else to go.  I believe that there are so many good things that are happening in our schools and in our homes.  And still, sometimes it feels as if it isn't enough.  These stories have become too common.  These deaths have become too familiar.  And it feels so urgent and so big and so overwhelming.

So I guess that all we can do is to remind the children in our lives that we love them for exactly who they are.  I guess all that we can do is to continue to be exactly who we are as adults so that they have examples all around them of people who are living as their authentic selves, no matter what that might mean.  I guess that all we can do is to continue to love the people in our lives fully and completely and remind those people every day that they are perfectly themselves and that is the best that they can ever do.

Normalcy?

I crave routine.  Sometimes, I like to pretend that I am someone who does not need a plan.  That I like being spontaneous and that the adventure of not knowing what is ahead is something that I find exciting.  Truth is, I do best when things are predictable and I know what to expect.  Hence, my love of routine.  Even in my classroom, I never feel quite right until we have established our daily routines and both the kids and I know what to expect each day.

This week has been the very first week where I have been able to catch a brief glimpse of the routine that our little family might settle into.  I am not talking about things like napping schedules and sleep schedules, because lord knows there is nothing routine about those things yet.  I am just talking about our daily schedules.  For so long, it seemed like each day brought a different plan and a different routine and we were never quite sure how the next day was going to go.

But this week, this wonderful thing started to happen.  It started to feel like we really could do this.  It started to feel like this could really be our lives.  And, most importantly to me, things have started to fall into a somewhat regular routine. The feeling of our new normal has been delightful and I am just happy that it has started to arrive.

Monday, I went back to work after being on Spring Break.  This meant that Millie was off to day care for the first time.  Since I leave earlier in the morning, Carla was in charge of dropping her off.  Monday was tough.  Really tough.  Multiple times throughout the day, I decided that I would have to quit my job because I just couldn't do this day care thing.  I convinced myself that we had left her in something similar to a Russian orphanage and that no one w as playing with or talking to her.  I rushed out of school at the end of the day and sped my way to Millie's daycare. I walked in and Millie was happily sitting on the teacher's lap playing with a bright orange ball.  Carla and I both admitted that we may have overreacted just a smidgen to Millie being in day care.  The truth is, once I let myself adjust to it, I feel really great about the day care we chose.  The kids look happy every time I walk in there and the teachers already speak with love about Millie.  So by the end of the week, I reassured myself that I could continue working and things would still be okay.

So Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, Millie was at daycare.  I would leave super early for work, get as much as possible done and then be ready to leave work as soon as possible at the end of the day.  Carla would drop Millie off in the morning and I picked her up in the afternoon.  On Thursday and Friday, Millie was home with Carla and it was a delight hearing about the quality time they spent together.  On Thursday, Millie and her Mama went to the zoo together and while I was sad to miss out, I was so happy to know they were having such a good time together.  On Friday, they took an attempted trip with my sister and nephew to the aquarium which turned out to be full. And so the day turned instead into a nice long drive and some lunch.  A small disappointment, but still a cute day.  And now it's my turn to be home with Millie for the weekend.  I am more than looking forward to these two days and love just being able to watch her as she takes her morning nap.

So that was the week.  And I can more than handle it.  This is a routine. This is good.  I am so excited that we can actually feel how this is all going to work.  I am starting to really feel settled in to this new life and our new family.  I know that these are the earliest stages of normalcy and routine.  I know that these things will change and there will be unexpected bumps and turns, but for now, I will take joy in these moments of routine and hope for them to continue smoothly.

And now...a video.  Millie has started to laugh.  Really laugh.  I was so happy to capture this on video and will now share this delightful sound with you all. Enjoy...

And here are a few pictures of the past week's activities...

Millie with her Mama, visiting day care the week before her first real day there.

Millie was a big supporter of marriage equality during the big Supreme Court cases last week. 

Millie and her Auntie Jen. 

My first trip with Millie to the bookstore.  She picked out two new books using just her smile.

Millie falling asleep in her Zayde's arms. 

Sometimes, she sleeps like this and I love it!

Family bonding.

Fresh out of the bath and looking all snuggly

The Family Walk

An actual dream come true.

When we were on the adoption wait list, every once in a while we allowed ourselves to dream.  To dream what life would be like once we had our baby.  Sometimes it was just too painful and we forced ourselves to stay present in the moment, but at other times we couldn't help but think of the things that we were most excited about. And one of those things was always the family walk.  Any time Carla and I took our dog, Frankie, on a walk while we were waiting to adopt, we always talked about how wonderful it was going to be when these family walks included a baby.

And then it happened.  Chicago has been taking an extra long time to warm into Spring.  Just when we think we might be there, we get another day of below freezing temperatures.  However, on Thursday we had our first day of above fifty degree weather.  We had our second post-adoption visit scheduled with our adoption counselor in the evening, but we desperately wanted to squeeze in a walk. So as soon as Carla got home from work, we bundled up the baby and suited up the pup and we were on our way.

You know, one of the things that I am learning is that some of the things that you dream about in parenting turn out to be no where near as delightful and wonderful as you think they are going to be.  For example, a family holiday seems like this amazing time to spend with a baby, until the baby gets totally overwhelmed and overtired and just wants to go home and go to sleep.  But other things, well, they far surpass anything you ever dreamt them to be.  That's how the walk was.

It was this image that we had in our minds for so long and we were actually seeing it come to life right in front of us and it was simply magical.  I know, it's just a walk, but it still managed to be one of the absolute best moments thus far in my life.  It is rare in life to realize a dream.  It is rare to want something so badly, for so long, and then find yourself getting exactly what you wanted in the exact way you wanted to get it.  And all of that was wrapped up in this one wonderful family walk.

Why Marriage Matters

So this upcoming week is a big one for gay rights in the Supreme Court.  On Tuesday, the Supreme Court will hear arguments about Proposition 8, a voter-approved initiative that banned same-sex marriage in the state of California.  The Supreme Court is being asked to declare these bans on same-sex marriage unconstitutional.  Then on Wednesday, the Supreme Court will hear arguments on DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) which defines marriage as between a man and a women on a federal level and therefor denies gay couples all of the federal benefits that are given to straight couples even if they are recognized as married in their own states.  The Supreme Court is being asked to find this unconstitutional as well and thereby get rid of DOMA which would allow same-sex couples to be recognized at the federal level and gain access to all marriage benefits.  

Carla and I had the wonderful joy of getting legally married in the State of Vermont.  We have an actual marriage certificate that is identical to one that Vermont would give to any couple getting married.  We also are lucky enough to live in a state that recognizes civil unions.  When it came to adopting Millie, this made it much easier than it would have been in other states.  We are lucky.  And some people might wonder, isn't that enough? Isn't it enough that we can have a civil union? To me, that sounds frighteningly similar to someone saying, "Well sure, black people have to ride in the back of the bus, but they still get to ride on the same bus as white people. Isn't that enough?" Often times I have been asked if there is a difference between a civil union and a marriage.  People wondered why we went to Vermont if we could have just gotten a civil union in Illinois.  Why does it matter to us to get married instead of just getting a civil union? Well, for a lot of reasons, marriage matters.

There are the emotional reasons.  It matters to me that we are married instead of having just a civil union.  It matters because I believe that my love and commitment to Carla is no different than anyone else's love and commitment to his or her heterosexual partner.  It matters because when I tell my students that I am married to Carla, I don't want to have to worry about calling her my wife because someone might ask, "But, I thought you couldn't get married to someone of the same sex?" It matters because marriage is a word that easily translates to a verb and a civil union just does not. I don't know how to say that I am "civil unioned" without committing a serious grammatical error which I try to do as rarely as possible. It matters because the word "married" means something and it stands for something and that is what I want people to see us as. It matters because when Millie grows up, I want her to be able to say that her parents are married without ever having to worry that someone might tell her that she is wrong because her parents aren't allowed to get married.

But more than it mattering to me, I believe that the message civil unions send is that we, as gay and lesbian couples, are somehow inherently different or even less than a straight couple who wants to get married.  I worry about the message this sends to young, gay kids who hear over and over again that they are less than or that something is wrong with them and then they look to what their country has to say about it and their country agrees with all those people who are telling them that they are not quite as good as someone who is straight.  They send this message by creating an entirely different set of rules and laws for people who are gay and this separate system denies us the rights that are given to straight people and that makes it a lesser system and a lesser institution and the message that sends is harmful and it is dangerous.

As long as our country continues to deny us equal rights, they are giving ammunition to the people who spread hate.  They are making it more okay for people to say something is wrong with us.  They are making it more okay for kids to continue to feel scared of coming out and to continue to think something is wrong with them if they are gay.  I know that there are people who believe that fighting for gay marriage to never be allowed is really about fighting to protect children.  No matter how many studies prove that they are wrong, there are people who believe that raising a child without a father or without a mother is a dangerous thing.  Well, I can guarantee you and I can guarantee all those people who are shouting about protecting children from ever having to be raised by a gay or lesbian couple, that nothing can be as harmful to my child as having you scream and yell and hold up signs that tell her that her parents are going to hell.  Being raised by two mothers can never be as dangerous as growing up in a country that tells my daughter that her family isn't as good as other families and that her family doesn't really even fit this country's definition of family.  That is what is harmful.  That is what could hurt her.  Not the fact that she is being raised by two women who love her more than life itself and would do absolutely anything to make sure that she is happy and healthy and safe.  And that is why marriage matters.

Those, to me, are the most important reasons that making gay marriage legal on a federal level is important.  There are the other reasons too.  Like taxes.  Right now, Carla and I can file as married in the state of Illinois, but we have to file as single on our federal taxes.  We then have to file a third form to explain why we are filing as married on our state taxes and single on our federal taxes.  That is all thanks to DOMA.  And then there are things like the insurance debacle we dealt with when switching Carla onto my insurance once we had Millie.  Because the federal government does not recognize us as married (again, thanks to DOMA), the financial benefits that I receive for Carla's medical insurance are not tax deductible, as they would be for anyone else receiving benefits for his or her spouse. So I end up having to pay extra federal taxes on that income that my straight coworkers don't have to pay for their spouses to be covered on our insurance.  And those practical pieces of all of this make me angry too.  It just seems ridiculous to me that we even have to worry about all of this and it is an outrage to me that people think it is okay that we have to deal with it.

As I discussed all of this yesterday with a good, dear friend, I said to her that it is my hope that one day, many years from now people will look back on all of this in disbelief that our country ever had laws that treated gay marriage any differently than straight marriage. I do believe that gay marriage is inevitable.  I just hope, with all of my heart, that it comes sooner rather than later.  I hope that it comes in time to make my daughter's life just a little bit easier.  I hope that it comes in time for her to grow up knowing that her family is no different than any other family, at least in the eyes of the federal government.

Worlds Collide

Well, I survived.  Perhaps it was because I knew that I had to work one week and then had another entire week to be home with Millie on my spring break.  Perhaps it was because I have one of the most wonderful classes that I have ever had the privilege to teach.  Perhaps it was because they welcomed me back to school with the most open of arms. Or perhaps it was simply because I am lucky enough to work in a place where I feel incredibly supported and looked out for.  Whatever it was, going back to work was manageable.  More than manageable actually.  There were moments of real, genuine joy this week.

It was also kind of an amazing experience to step back into the role that I filled so comfortably before Millie came into our lives.  I was stepping back into the same role, but I was no longer the same.  I felt it most at the end of the school days.  In the past, I was happy to stay at work way past when the kids left.  I took solace in the quiet of the hallways and in the emptiness of the room.  I did my best work there and I was fully focused on my class and the work I needed to do to prepare for the next day of teaching.  But now, things are different.  As the day ends, I feel this incredible joy at the thought of finishing up and heading home to my family. To my Millie.  Instead of sitting down for a few hours of work at my desk, I pack up my bag and head out the door.  The work will get done later at night or early the next morning.  Either way, it will get done.

I realize now that being a working mother will make me no less of a teacher.  A teacher who gets things done in a different way? Sure.  A teacher who has to adjust some priorities? Absolutely.  A teacher who will always be worried that I don't have everything done that needs to get done? Well, I was that anyway, so not much has changed in that regard.  What this week has taught me is that I need to let go of doing things the way I used to do them and instead hold on to the idea of getting things done in a way that will feel good about my work at school and feel good about my work at home.  I imagine that takes time to get a hold of, but I have seen glimpses of the possibility of it all this week and it gives me enough hope to quell my fears for now.

So anyway, the week was good. It was a good week to come back as the craziness of my return to school was wrapped up in the craziness of the week before spring break.  It was nice to know that everyone in the entire school was a little off anyway.  It was also nice to walk back into a classroom and instantly feel welcomed and loved as if I had never left.  I worried that my students would be a bit like our cats and give me a bit of a cold shoulder for having left them.  Turns out, children are not cats.  There were absolutely no cold shoulders here.  There were hugs and posters and so very much love.  It was magnificent.

The highlight of the week came on Thursday when Carla and Millie made a visit to my classroom.  I told the kids in the morning that they would be coming and they were beyond excited.  When they walked in to the room and met Millie, they were almost in awe.  They truly just stood and stared at her. Now, if you haven't been around fifth graders in a while, let me remind you that, in general, a group of twenty-one fifth graders is rarely, rarely quiet.  But they were silent.  They were respectful. They were curious.  They were everything that is good.

Here is what struck me most of all.  I walked the kids to art after they first saw Millie and Carla.  As we walked down the hallway, one of the kids asked me if Carla and Millie would still be there when they got back to the classroom.  Another fifth grade student who is not in our class asked one of my students, "Who are Carla and Millie." And one of my boys responded, "That's Mrs. Lifshitz's wife and baby." And that was the conversation.  That was it.  The boy who wasn't in my class seemed satisfied and my class walked right on to art.

In the moment, it was a small thing.  When I thought about it later, it was huge.  It wasn't that long ago that I was scared to come out to my coworkers, let alone my students and their parents. And now, here I am, not just talking about my family, but bringing my students right into the very heart of my family.  There are conversations in the hallway, between fifth grade boys, about their female teacher's wife and the conversation is accompanied by zero laughter, no awkward looks, nothing.  It was so, amazingly, normal.  I am just not sure I thought that was possible.  I think about these kids going out into the world beyond elementary school already armed with the knowledge that a family with two moms is not that strange.  I think about the parents of my students who have been so, so happy for me and for Carla and for our family.  They have never once asked me not to talk about my family in class, instead they have asked if it would be possible to have a party and if it would be possible for Carla and Millie to be there.

All of this makes me feel so very lucky.  I know that there are many schools around this country where this kind of openness just wouldn't be possible.  It breaks my heart to think about having to keep this immense joy a secret from my students.  I don't know how I could possibly have gone through all of this and not been honest about it with the kids.  But I know that there are many teachers who would have had to do just that.

When I first decided to come out to my students, several people asked me why I felt that I had to come out at all.  They asked if I ever really talked about my personal life anyway with my students.  And yes, there is a line between what I share with my students and what I don't. But when it comes to sharing who I am, the very person that I am, it stopped feeling okay to hide that from my students.  And now.  I could not have been happier that I came out a few years ago, so that when Millie entered my life it didn't have to be a secret.  Having my students, their parents and my coworkers share in the joy of Millie has magnified and multiplied my joy in so many ways.

So now I get another week at home with Millie and I know that I will love every moment of it.  I have missed her this week and I am excited to spend the days with her again, but I will do it knowing now that I will be okay when I have to go back to work again and I will make it through the last few months of the school year and it will all be okay.

One picture for the road.

On Going Back to Work...

My days at home with Millie are quickly running out.

Okay, well that might be a tad dramatic.  But come Monday morning, I will be dragging myself back to work.  I simply cannot believe that six weeks is already almost over.  But here we are.  I have been home with Millie for six weeks and it is now time to get ready to go back to work.

Let me start by saying that I love my job.  I absolutely love being a teacher and it has been one of the greatest joys of my life. In many ways, teaching gave my life purpose and brought me incredible amounts of fulfillment.  Before I became a wife and a mother, the thing that I most identified myself as was a teacher.  I like to think that I have made school an enjoyable place for the kids in my classroom.  I like to think that I have made those kids feel good about the people that they are and that I have allowed them to feel confident enough to ask questions, take risks, and boldly go about their lives.  I have always loved being able to give those things to kids and I do look forward to continuing to do those things for a long long while.

With that being said, I am absolutely dreading going back on Monday.  Dreading might be the wrong word.  I am scared.  Terrified really.  I have loved being home with Millie.  Sure, there were days that I felt absolutely stir crazy. And yes, there were moments when I felt like I couldn't shake a rattle for one more second.  But, overall, I have loved and cherished this time with Millie.  I have gotten to know my daughter, her quirks, her likes, her dislikes, what her cries mean and I have loved it.  I have learned more in these past six weeks, than in any other six week period in my life.  I may not have been very good the things I was trying to do, but I certainly have done my best and I am proud of the relationship that Millie and I are building.

Now, I know that relationship is not going to stop.  I know that my learning isn't going to stop.  I know that plenty of moms go back to work and that there are actually a lot of good things that can happen because of this change.  I know all of that and I still hate that I have to go back.  When things seem overwhelming, I always feel that if I can outline what it is that is really scaring me, then I have a better chance of being able to deal with it all.  So here goes.  In no particular order, the things that scare me about going back to work:

1) Being exhausted.  I am lucky.  My wife and I share the nighttime responsibilities, she is fantastic about knowing when I need a break and making sure that I get one.  But still.  Babies are exhausting.  Teaching is exhausting.  And I am unsure of how I will manage both.

2) Not being the kind of teacher that I was able to be before.  I have always put my entire heart into teaching.  I have given everything that I have to my job and to my students and I never want to be a teacher in any other kind of way.  But now my heart is so very full of Millie.  I am not sure how I will have the time and energy to continue to give as much to my students as I have before.

3) Missing my Millie.  I am just worried that I will miss her.  I have spent almost every moment of the last six weeks with her and now I am going to gone for these huge chunks of time.  I will miss her and I worry about missing the moments that fill myself with such incredible joy.

4) Getting it all done.  There is so much work to be done.  I worry that I won't be able to do it all.  The work at school and the work at home.  I tend to be tough on myself.  I like to do things perfectly.  I recognize that rarely do I actually do anything anywhere close to perfect, but if I don't do things well, I get frustrated, I shut down, and I give up. I am worried about any or all of those things happening when I can't, inevitably, do all the things that I want to do as well as I would like to do them.

I think that's about it.  Again, I know that all of this will be fine.  I know I will find the balance eventually and be able to do the things that I need to do in a way that is good enough to do them.  But I just worry about the transition and the adjustment.  Those of you who know me well, know that transition and change are two things that I have never excelled at.

So the plan is for me to go back on Monday. Carla will be off next week to stay home with Millie.  I am actually thrilled for her to get the chance to be home with her for the week.  I am excited for her to have that time with Millie because I know that she has been craving it.  After that is my spring break.  Yep, that's right, I am actually only going back to work for one week before I get to be home again for a whole week for spring break.  And still I am dreading it.

And then, come April 1st, Millie starts daycare.  Until summer time (when I will be off yet again) Carla will take her two days off at the end of the work week and I will be off on the weekends.  That leaves only three days a week that Millie will be in day care.  It does mean that we are without a day at home as a family, but at least until the summer time, we both feel like we would prefer for Millie to be in daycare for as few days a week as possible.  Then, I will be home with her all summer and in the Fall we will decide what we will do from there.

There is much still to be said about Millie going to daycare and why I am excited about the daycare that we chose, but that will have to wait for another day.  Thanks for listening to more of my irrational worries.  I promise that there will be more to come.

And because Millie is changing so very much and growing so much bigger, I will leave you all with some more pictures so that you have an idea of just how giant this girl is getting.

Two Months Old...One Month at Home

Millie is officially two months old.  While I would like to think we were a family that remembered to take one of those cute pictures each month, we actually are not that family.  But, luckily we have lots of other pictures to mark the occasion.

Things here have been going well.  After a pretty scary first sickness, Millie seems to finally be on the mend.  The cold turned into a pretty nasty cough that had us at the doctor's office three times in less than a week.  She needed a nebulizer treatment and the doctor told us if her breathing got worse, she would need to go to the ER for another treatment.  Boy, did I freak out.  The next day I even made Carla come home from work because I convinced myself that she wasn't breathing correctly.  As soon as Carla got home, I handed Millie to her and I dropped to the floor in a semi-fetile position and just cried.  I insisted that I was not cut out to be a mother because I was too prone to irrational worrying.  Well, in spite of my melt-down, Millie went back to her normal happy self after a few days and while she has the lingering symptoms of a cold and cough, she is no longer making me worry every second of the day (for now).

While she was sick, all Millie really want to do was sleep.  And the only place she wanted to sleep was in someone's arms.  Now even though she was pretty miserable, she continued to be the cutest thing.  Here are some of the many sleeping positions of our dear little Millie.

Sleeping on Mama.  

Mama learning to eat while holding a sleeping baby.  

Mommy's turn to hold sleeping Millie.  

Soon everyone needed to nap. 

Frankie had to get in on the action.

And then Frankie took over watching the sleeping baby.  We knew she was feeling better when she was willing to nap in something other than our arms.

Luckily, the worst of Millie's sickness passed and she was back to her normal happy self.  Here are some pictures of what she has been up to

Millie has been ordered to complete more tummy time each day (more on that later).  These doctors are not messing around! Here she is on her tummy, enjoying her favorite book.  

Happy Millie once again!

Don't worry, she is still not tired of her favorite toy. 

Here's Frankie learning who is really boss in the house now. 

And here is Frankie joining in with Carla and Millie for some group tummy time.

Millie's room is filling up nicely. While the room is still not used for sleeping, there is a lot of eating and rocking taking place in here. 

And because I just can't help myself, here's Millie in video form.  The first one is Millie in her happiest of moods.

The reason for this extreme happiness? That's right...black and white dots!

And finally here are the kinds of conversations that now occur in our household...

So that's the update.  Things are going well.  We took Millie to her 2 month check-up yesterday.  She looks good according to the doctor.  Her wheezing is gone and she is no longer contagious.  She gained an excellent amount of weight and continues to grow.  She got a round of shots, that she did NOT at all enjoy, but luckily she woke up this morning feeling good again.  Our only small words of caution, as I mentioned earlier, is that she needs a bit more tummy time as she is beginning to get a flat head in back.  Now of course, I fixated on this bit of news and convinced myself I was a terrible mother who was already ruining my child.  Thanks to a calm wife and a wise mother, I am feeling better about this today.  I am constantly amazed at just how incompetent motherhood can make me feel.  I am learning to take it all in stride, but it was a part of being a mother I just wasn't prepared for.  

So starting today, we are getting serious about this tummy time.  Well, okay, right now Millie is happily napping in her swing, but I promise, as soon as she wakes up we are getting back to business!